day 1 - gonal-f 300 iu - & everything before that...

So here we are the moment we've been waiting for. You may have known me since the beginning of this or are just following me. Either way, follow us in our journey of IVF (In-VItro Fertilization). I will give helpful tips and advice along the way as well as letting you know just how expensive this all really is! Please contact me if you are or your spouse are having infertility problems, I would love to chat! Now for the story..[scroll please] :)

My husband and I started trying in October of 2015 (our first anniversary!). We were so hopeful and excited but negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test had us concerned. In August of 2016, we went to the doctor and long story short found out my husband was infertile. Yes, my husband, not me. Infertility can happen to ANYONE. Male or Female, infertility does not discriminate. The day we found out was one of the worst days of my (I think our) lives. I had already had a bad few weeks at work and this was the cherry on top. I hung up the phone and cried and cried and cried. I felt like God punched me in the stomach to keep me down. I can't even describe the emotions I was feeling at this time. I always told myself if it came to this, I wouldn't do IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) because I knew how expensive it was. But I had never been there, and now that I was...I was willing to fight.

I am not going to lie you guys, I drank a lot. Wine was my best friend and I think I cried nearly every other day. My Friday nights turned into crying whenever I saw a child on TV or a family having fun. With everything else going on in our lives, I really lost touch with God. I am always a firm believer in "Everything Happens For A Reason" but this was one thing that was so hard for me to believe. Even going back to this moment brings tears to my eyes.

It took me awhile to accept it, but we came around to the fact that it is what it is. We are found God again and began praying much harder. God was testing my faith and I failed him for awhile, but we are lucky he is forgiving. My husband has said to me "I don't want you to feel like this is your problem, I am the problem." NO. We are in this together, having my husband feel that way ripped my heart in two. I want my husband to be a father so badly. The way I see him with our God-Daughter melts my heart (don't worry, you'll probably see that cutie pie too). I want him to feel baby kicks in my belly just like every other Dad. I want him to build a crib in frustration and paint the nursery like every other Dad. I want him to couch a football team or watch his little girl from the stands, just like my Dad did. We will make it happen!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Whether you or your spouse are infertile, there are people out there like you and are fighting and feeling just what you are feeling. Keep following me as I will discuss things they DON'T TELL YOU. Like just how expensive this all really is, how to handle the holidays, how to handle those who have no idea what they're talking about! You educate a lot of people, even though #weare1in8, those other 7 have no idea.

Thanks guys, talk to you soon! xoxo

#infertility #gonalf #baby #maleinfertility #femaleinfertility #faith #father #shots #meds #day1