day 5 - gonal-f 300 & understanding

Hello all! I went to the doctor today and my dosage got increased to 450 so starting tomorrow I will be increasing my dose. I really hope I don't need to go buy more medications! I need to start selling organs at this point! ;) Good news is, it sounds like I have about 23 eggs hanging out so hopefully they will all get super duper mature and we will have so many choices for eggs! My husband always asks, "How do you like your eggs?" and then I look really creepy at him and say, "Fertilized". We are dorks. Today is about understanding why or understanding how you feel

My husband and I have been talking a lot about how people have reacted to our situation. Some people have said, "Congratulations!" Excuse me, what? Ummm, no. Some have said, "Oh, well that's your choice". That makes us sort of upset. It's our choice because it's our ONLY CHOICE to conceive our own children ourselves. No one will ever know how heartbreaking it is to both spouses to be told that you will never conceive naturally. It hurts everyday.

Just recently we went to a wedding and while the groom and mother were dancing, a young daughter was twirling around and dancing with her father. I had to excuse myself from the table. I just broke down. It was beautiful. Little moments like that are what we want. Do not take them for granted. There are people out there that just wish for little hands to hold and twirl around.

Our neighbors across the street have 4 little kids and they are so adorable. On Easter, I watched from my bay window as they hunted for eggs. This could be described as creepy but oh well ;) I watched the youngest one put eggs in her basket and every time she bent over to get another one, they all fell out! Watching their excited faces and their parent's onlooking made me teary eyed.

Rocking my God-daughter to sleep Monday night...I didn't want to stop. I just wanted to keep holding her and rock her and rock her. But your arms get tired, haha! Of course, out of any baby out there, she gets me the most teary eyed some days. When she grabs a book and comes to sit on my lap, my heart gets so happy! We read and she gets another book and sits down. She's already an adrenaline junkie too so we love to act like we are dropping her and she just thinks it's so funny. That smile and that laugh just get me!

Let's not even get started with the amount of television shows and movies I watch on a Friday night and just sit there and ball! Watching families bond and spend time together, laughing and crying. You yearn for the time when you will have little ones to raise and have good and bad times with. You hope you will do the best you can to support your children and raise them to be good humans. Not just successful and happy, but good people.

I follow a group on Instagram and every once in a while we share our woes such as these. It's really relieving to know you are not the only one. There are so many people out there like you that spy on neighbor kids and cry at dinner tables! I'm already emotional, so let's just wait until this Gonal really kicks in! :) Go ahead and share yours! I'd love to share them on my page or just get to know you a little better. It's always helpful to have someone to talk to.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more posts! Egg retrieval is coming up! xoxo

Enjoy this little meme that I just love!